God Knew.

I have a ton of blogging to catch up on but first wanna get this stuff down from yesterday.

I signed up to run the Shamrock 1/2 marathon with Kelly, Beth, and Katherine back in December and kept up my running through Christmas and January (running 5, 4, 3 during the week and alternating 6, 7, 8 on the weekends). I had my speed up and ran most of my 8's with Brian on Saturdays. Then the flu/sinus infection/multiple stomach bugs hit in January and I was down for the count.

With five weeks left until race day I was skeptical I could do it but really wanted to try. My first 3 back was HORRIBLE but done. After that we ran 5 then kept up 3's during the week and it got easier. 7 went well the next weekend so our plan was to increase by 2 miles a week until the 13...so as long as I didn't get sick again it was possible. (By we, I mean Beth and I...Kelly and Katherine kept going and their speed just kept increasing). Things didn't go so great and more stomach bugs came so we finally decided we were going to have to walk...a lot of it probably. But I still wanted to do it since I signed up for it and just enjoy the experience AND because of Kelly and Katherine. There was no pressure this time so it was just for fun. Beth and I were both dreading it...but trying to make the best of it:).

The plan was our families would go to Virginia Beach and stay with the Martin's while the runners would stay at a hotel. The kids were excited about it and so were the grownups!

This Wednesday I started a new medicine with hopes of it being 'life changing'...seriously. It had been a long time coming and I finally made the appointment, went Tuesday, and started the medicine on Wednesday. I had HIGH hopes for it. I knew there could be side effects (i've never had a problem with side effects) but also knew it took a month to work fully...and wanted to see what happened after a month. I FULLY expected it to work.

Friday morning I told Kelly I had a heartburn feeling and hadn't eaten anything out of the norm, and was constantly going the bathroom. Earlier in the week I had a stomach bug and we thought maybe it was leftover from that but then I remembered that the medicine could cause stomach problems. It wasn't THAT bad so I wanted to wait out a couple weeks to see if it would go away.

Brian did NOT want me to do the race and knew I wasn't ready but I just didn't want to let anyone down by backing out. I was sick earlier in the week and he said I just needed to say no. Hubby knew best...but I'm always afraid to let people down.

Friday night my 'heartburn' pain got bad enough for me to take a Zantac and that helped. Then I got a phone call that poor Carter was sick so their family wouldn't be going to the race, just Kelly. Ephram was eating strawberries literally OUT of Carter's mouth earlier that evening so we were scared he'd get it too, so Brian decided they would stay home. (We did not want to bring sickness to anyone else.) Our family/friend trip up to see the Martin's and race had turned into a girl weekend. I told Brian SEVERAL times that week I felt like God was telling me not to go...especially after that happened.

I just had a bad feeling about it. Can't explain why other than God. Little things happened here and there and I told Brian about them.

Yesterday Kelly, Katherine, and I set out on our trip up to Virginia Beach listening to some awesome songs from the 90's and chatting away. We stopped for lunch in Raleigh then headed out. I don't remember everything that happened around 1 1/2 hours into our trip but between Kelly and Katherine telling Brian (who told me) I'm going to try and get everything right.

What I remember: Started having what i thought was heartburn so I took a zantac. For some reason I told Kelly and Katherine the other medicines I had taken that day for cramps, thyroid, new medicine...not sure why but it came in handy later. Kelly started talking to Sonja on the phone and the 'heartburn pain' got really bad...so I took another zantac. I tried to tell Katherine I was in pain but nothing came out. I started staring at the clock and wishing time away until the medicine would kick in...thinking it would take 30 minutes. I didn't know how I was going to be able to stay like this for 30 minutes. This was WORSE that labor. Everything started going black...I said, "I can't see anything" and couldn't hear my voice...I saw Kelly's lips moving but heard nothing and said, "I can't hear anything, I can't hear my own voice!" I wasn't sure I said those things out loud but according to the girls I did. Then I remember waking up and seeing Katherine on the phone.

According to Katherine: All that stuff happened and then I passed out, turned gray, had white lips, hair was drenched with sweat, limp for a couple minutes. She called 911 and told them what happened and then I sat up wondering why she was calling 911. She told them I was fine again and hung up. The poor girls were thinking I was going to die and it was going to be like Weekend at Bernie's. We joked and laughed about it for a while and I felt completely fine. I'm not sure how much time passed but then it happened again (this time without the passing out). They started looking up hospitals on their phones and I made them pass the exit...I was sure I'd be fine.

Some time later (not sure about the timeline but sure it was probably only 10 minutes) they wanted to stop for a potty break. They happened to go to an exit with a hospital. The pain started coming back and once again I couldn't talk...at all...couldn't barely breathe, back was killing me, sweating, focusing on the pain going away. I was laying back in the seat (like I had been the last two times). Kelly had been calling Brandon and his mom (who is a nurse) and decided to call Brian who said to take me since I couldn't respond to them. I was in and out from there on...just remember a lot of pain.

I do remember lots of people, questions about a wheelchair, then a stretcher, no shoes, very nice voices, and apologizing a lot, laying down, and wanting to not hurt anymore. I heard Kelly and Katherine telling them my medical history...which was amazing to me because I didn't know they knew it (but had apparently told them in the car...CLEARLY God knew they'd need to know). They told them everything I had taken that day, and what I ate. They knew all the answers. They were terrified.

My pain came and went so at times I was able to talk and answer questions but most of it I was just focused on breathing. I had a head CT scan, chest x ray, blood work, ekg, heart attack test, catheter, more blood work, and finally an IV filled with morphine. The pain was awful. Can't even explain it...but it WAS worse than labor. Oh, and according to Kelly my right arm was shaking uncontrollably during the pain so she thought it may be a seizure. The nurse said it was a reaction to the pain...as was the blacking out. The doctor thought it may be pancreatitis...but the labs would be able to clear it up. I was convinced it was my new medicine causing it...

katherine said i was a nice shade of yellow...with white lips

The morphine helped a lot. I could still feel the pain come and go...but didn't feel the intensity of it. Like when you have an epidural and know there's a contraction but it's not as bad. Everything after that is fuzzy...and embarrassing according to Kelly and Katherine. I know I was asking about their bridesmaids for some reason..but the medicine apparently really got to me.


katherine was thrilled (as was i) when the morphine kicked in...let the loopy-ness begin! i really did not spend my time there smiling it was def forced for the pics...but i wanted pics with the sweet girls who took care of me all day. kelly had so many 'funny' stories to tell me after i was better (today).

I was mostly worried about them racing and the dr. said that everytime he or the nurses came in the room I'd say, "tell them to leave and go to the race...they worked SO hard!" The hospital was literally the best one I've ever been to in my life in that they took me RIGHT away (I've had other emergency situations and had to wait hours..in pain...on the floor). It was a very small one from what I hear which is probably why they weren't as busy. The staff did everything they could for the girls faxing papers back and forth so Beth could pick up their packets for them. I REALLY did not want them to miss this race because of me! (Even in my drugged up faze I was still worried about it). I tried several times to get them to leave and get their packets but they never did.

brian took this before they left...my only 'race'
picture with the girls. i was determined to have one...even
if it took everything in me to force a smile.

I also apparently still thought I was doing the race but the doctor said (on numerous occasions) that I would NOT be able to run the next day.

At home Brian took the kids to the Klick's house where they had two sick boys and grandparents there to help. He came and got me (again...fuzzy about this) and the girls went on to Sonja's. I do remember the first thing Brian said was, "You should have listened to God...He tried to warn you."

The ride home was AWFUL and I was dizzy and nauseous the entire way home. Apparently I called people...but don't remember doing it or the conversations. Coming off the morphine was terrible...AWFUL! They had put something else in my IV (nexium?? i think) that made me very sick too but the girls got them to turn it off.

I remember Kelly saying on several occasions that it was good that it happened when it did and NOT while I was driving and my kids were in the car. Then Beth reminded me it COULD have happened the next day on the race. God was speaking to me about this race but I didn't listen because I was too afraid of letting people down. I have that struggle...a lot. I struggle with people being upset with me so I do whatever it takes to avoid that. I learned a valuable lesson this weekend. I need to listen to GOD. and to my husband! I need to not worry about what other people think. I need to do things for ME (which is super hard) and pray that everything else will work out.

In the end my medical problems WERE because of the new medicine I was taking. This medicine that I was praying would be life changing...I can't even be on anymore. I am very upset about it but would never want to go through that pain again. It's amazing to me that medicines have side effects which we KNOW only happen to 1 in a million people...and I was that one. Seriously, yall??

I'm very thankful for everyone who prayed for me and Kelly and Katherine who took care of me...the whole day. I'm thankful for the Klick's who watched the kiddos and for Brian who drove up to get me to take me home. I'm thankful that God stopped me from running a race He knew I shouldn't run...even though I was hardheaded about it. I'm thankful for Beth who was willing to do it with me even when she knew neither one of us should try.

And I'm SOOOO very proud of Kelly who finished in 2:12 (her goal 2:15) and Katherine who finished in 2:09 on her FIRST 1/2!! These girls went through a lot the day before and rocked it!!