adoption timeline

7/07: I want to keep track of the journey to complete our family, so I decided to start this post in hopes of publishing it soon!! Right now we are waiting to hopefully get a referral for a domestic adoption by the end of the summer:). The next three dates are things that happened to get us to this point.

6/06-4/07: (fertility testing, etc. They found nothing wrong with either of us and dr.'s predict i'll get pregnant with a low dose of drugs) IUI (they had to up the dose to get it to work) and IVF/ turned IUI. Brian feels strongly about not adopting from Korea again because of money. I want to adopt domestically and he's not open to it at this point. Looking at the dates you can see that this has already been a long journey of trying to get pregnant...

4/07: Miscarriage after IVF cycle turned IUI because of only one egg. I was SO excited and felt like it was a miracle. Brian wants to adopt. I don't at this point. After putting these drugs into my body and daily blood tests, then the miscarriage after the IVF turned IUI my heart is set on conceiving again. I can't believe how much that changed. God changed Brian's heart and now I'm the one who doesn't want to adopt again.

5/07: Things aren't going well with the IVF. For some reason my body just isn't getting back to normal so they haven't been able to start another cycle. I'm so frustrated and am sick of it. I finally feel ready to adopt:)!! I know it seems crazy that only a month ago I was completely closed off to it, but this is SUCH an emotional journey that every single day feels like an eternity. It truly is AMAZING that it took all this to get us to adopt. I'm so excited and can't wait! We'd LOVE to get a biracial baby. Hopefully it'll go quickly (like our friend's did but at least I know it'll be faster than International Adoption!

6/07: We were able to just update the homestudy from Kinsey instead of starting all over because hers is still good. All the paperwork is done and now we wait! It's crazy because at least with Korea we knew it would be 2-3 months until the referral and 2-3 months after that they could come home. I'm REALLY hoping the baby will be here by August:)!

9/07: I'm feeling nervous. I always hesitated adopting domestically because it felt like a popularity contest. Basically birth moms get albums and pick a family from there. (So it's based on house size, job, looks, etc.) Well...my new hope is to have a baby by Thanksgiving...so exciting!

12/07: Thanksgiving has come and gone. I was really sad going to Mom and Dad's house because I thought we'd have a fourth by now. I don't understand why it's taking so long because we are open to any race! EVERYONE else I know (who used this agency) got babies so quickly! I'm pretty discouraged at this point.


5/08: Called FCA (the Connecticut agency who has a license to adopt healthy babies from Korea) to inquire about Korea BUT decided against it b/c we didn't want to use the same NC agency we used before and they weren't able to let us use a different agency because of a contract they had with CAS. (You have to have a local agency to do the homestudy, etc. AND FCA.) Since our domestic homestudy is with Amazing Grace Adoptions we were trying to see if FCA would let us work with them so we wouldn't have to jump through as many hoops AND because they are significantly cheaper. We've used two different NC agencies to adopt from Korea. With Braden we used Bethany Christian Services..and can honestly say we were not happy with several things that went on. When we adopted Kinsey we used CAS and we very pleased with their services, but they charged WAY more than other agencies so we didn't feel like we would go back again.

6/08: Our homestudy runs out in November but I gave up hope on getting a baby, changed the house around, got rid of nursery and baby stuff, got family photo, hung angel pics (a HUGE step...framed the three kiddos together meaning that's all there would be). This has been so hard, but I feel like I spent the month "un nesting" to hopefully heal the pain I've been feeling by not getting the fourth child that I really felt like we'd have. God has blessed us with three healthy children and that is more than some families are able to have. As I look back on things I wrote it seems like I'm not thankful. That's not how it is at all. I am SO thankful for His gifts but somehow was desperate to fufill my 'heart's desire' of having four children. If you haven't gone through infertility issues then I can see how it can be hard to understand....but for those of you who have, thanks for all the encouraging words!

8/08: Still don't have peace about not having a baby...even though the house is completely changed around! I called FCA and they still can't let us use another agency. I just DON'T UNDERSTAND why we aren't getting a domestic baby! I've wondered so many times how my friends were able to get matched so quickly and why we aren't getting chosen. We know for a fact it's not because we already have children because people with 6, 7, and 8 children have gotten babies before us! I just don't understand!! Everytime I see a biracial girl when I'm out it just breaks my heart. I call them my "Hannah's"...and see them EVERYWHERE! Several of the babies I've seen that fit the description are even named Hannah! It's craziness!

11/10/08: A couple days ago I found out that a close friend of mine was pregnant. I was THRILLED for her...but sad for me. Again, if you haven't experienced infertility it's hard to understand. I spent the next two days in bed...depressed...and couldn't stop thinking about a baby. I knew our homestudy was going to run out this month and that once it did we wouldn't start all over. After Brian saw me so sad and depressed he said I should call FCA again and see if they would let us use Amazing Grace.....and they WILL!! I couldn't believe it! They are actually letting us use AGA...which of course I see as a 'sign':). Here we go again!

11/11/08: got paperwork from FCA Adoptions

11/15/08: got paperwork from Amazing Grace Adoptions to pursue International Adoption

12/07/08: finished paperwork (including two physicals, state fingerprints...in the rain...with three kids:), and recommendation letters from friends and our pastor)

12/10/09: told we had to have ALL the paperwork and homestudy done and mailed to Korea by 2/1/09 in order to bring a baby home in 2009. At least we have a couple months to get it done! We were also told that a TON of things have changed in Korean adoption since we adopted Braden and Kinsey. *One thing is that the baby will be older...around 10-12 months old. While I was nervous about it at first, I am ok with it because we got rid of all the baby stuff anyway! *Another thing is that they are only letting out HALF the amount of babies per year that they used to. They are trying to promote Korean adoption in their country. *We will travel this time. *There are a few other, but I'm too tired to think of them now.

1/05/09: received all background check ok's
(this was a BIG pain because so many laws have changed since we adopted from Korea last time...we had to jump through a LOT more hoops this time and get a background check from Massachusetts as well which took longer)

1/10/09: Told us they lost Cailey's birth certificate AND my child abuse clearance (yet another set back). I know we still have three weeks but I'm starting to get nervous about the February timeline!

1/21/09: Finally got my second child abuse clearance form back (which had been lost). The reason this is all so frustrating is that they can not start our homestudy renewal until they have all this paperwork in their hands. We are at the mercy of the state.

1/22/09: First phone call from social worker

1/23/09: Payed and mailed form to CIS for federal fingerprints. We are excited about this change! We had to drive to Charlotte EARLY in the morning in order to get fingerprints for Braden and Kinsey but now there is an office in Durham that we can go to!! Now we wait for the appointment.

1/26/09: homestudy
*During this time we had a HARD time getting AGA to sign the needed paperwork to send to FCA. It was a very frustrating few weeks and we were on pins and needles knowing that our paperwork was supposed to be DONE by 2/1/09. We know that they have other families they need to work with but in the midst of this it's CRAZY for us as we know we have a deadline that is only a few days away!!

1/26/09: Found out the dr. wrote the wrong year on our physicals. This is one of those things that I'm sure we'll laugh about someday- the whole..."you couldn't make this stuff up" scenario but right now we're not laughing.

1/28/09: dr. faxed correct information

1/28/09: homestudy complete

2/3/09: fingerprint appt. 7:00am this was a complete nightmare!! We thought it would be easier because it's in Durham now. We showed up to get fingerprinted at 6:45 am so we'd be a little early. The kids were tired...we were all tired but just wanted to get it done and were thrilled that it only took a couple weeks for an appt. which is unheard of! We only had to go to Durham, which was great because the last times we adopted, we drove to Charlotte for them. Unfortunately the building didn't even open until 7:30 and fingerprints didn't open until 8:00 so someone messed up big time on our letter. To make a VERY long story short, we didn't end up getting home from our 7:00am fingerprint appt. until 10:00am...we should have been home by 7:45 at the latest... (and Brian had to drive an hour to get a receipt from home) yet another ridiculous thing to happen during this already crazy adventure!

2/3/09: STILL WAITING for paperwork to be signed by AGA (at this point it's beyond ridiculous that they didn't get it done before 2/1). I am trying SUPER hard to be calm and not get upset. I do realize that there are other families who need their paperwork done as well. But it's so frustrating!

2/4/09: I Had a REALLY hard day b/c Amazing Grace is STILL dragging their feet on signing the homestudy so it can be mailed off. i talked to Kathy (who has worked with us on Braden and Kinsey's adoptions:) at FCA (cried, actually) today about the situation and she can't really do anything about it...I WISH THEY would just sign the paperwork so it can be mailed to Korea!!

2/13/09: The paperwork is mailed to Korea...FINALLY!! Now we'll wait 4-6 months to get a referral!! (The timeline is longer now than it was when we adopted Kinsey and Braden...we waited 2-3 months for a referral with their adoptions.) At this point I'm prepping myself for an August referral. (That will be 6 months from now:)

7/9/09: Got an email saying that things are taking longer for some reason. I honestly was telling myself that it would be August when we would get the call but deep down I was hoping for one much sooner. We were told 2-3 months with Kinsey and only ended up waiting a few days!

8/13/09: Called to find out what was going on since our 6 months are up today. Apparently the wait is now NINE months!!! Are you kidding me?? You just couldn't make this stuff up! I'm just so frustrated that things keep changing because Korea was always so predictable. I am not liking the changes and am starting to wonder if we are supposed to get a baby. I'm not sure how long we are going to wait this out.

10/20/09: We've been waiting for 8 months now and I called to get an update. I found out that the wait has once again been moved- up to TEN months. On the other hand, we also found out that most of the referrals that have been received lately were for 5 month olds. Originally we were told that it would be an older baby than we got before, around 10-12 months old. I was totally unprepared to hear that the baby could be younger! On one hand that's AWESOME because the bonding will be easier. On the other hand, I was thinking that getting rid of all the baby stuff was ok because we'd be getting an older one. AND that we wouldn't need formula. Hmmm...a younger one....very interesting. This doesn't mean that we will definitely get a referral for a younger baby, but COULD. I also found out that there is only one family ahead of us. BUT that doesn't mean that families behind us can't get picked first (b/c they are open to other health issues). I just wish things would STOP CHANGING!! Boy...I keep saying this, but God either has a REALLY special baby we are supposed to have or I need to give up on this! Brian and I decided that if we don't get a referral by December then we're calling it quits. This is huge. Here's to hoping for a miracle...two more months!

10/27/09: We got a referral!! I can't believe it! Born on 6/3/09!! Our June baby! (I always it would be neat to have a baby born in June because our birthdays would all be two months apart. Brian and I have ours in February, Braden in April, Cailey in August, and Kinsey in October. Funny thing is that I was thinking June a couple years ago:) I honestly wasn't sure if it would happen and am SHOCKED that we got the referral for our baby BOY! Ephram Aiken Barbour born on June 3, 2009. Now we wait to get our precious baby!

10/29/09: Got child study...and found out that travel dates are faster than they used to be. Instead of February or March, they think we'll go get him in January.

10/30/09: Accepted Referral

11/1/09: I'm Getting SUPER nervous but EXCITED about the traveling to get Ephram!! I've been looking through all the information we were given on currency, hotels, food, time change, etc. and have just been feeling nervous about it all. It's going to be VERY expensive to travel there...for the hotel, food, and airplane tickets. We are praying that someone has a ton frequent flyer miles they don't need and would be willing to donate them. PLEASE let us know if you know of anyone and join us in praying for this need.

11/3/09: Fed Ex'ed the I 864 and I 864 A (signed and notarized paperwork) along with money to FCA. (We had to wait until today so he'd be 5 months old). Today Ephram is 5 months old...hopefully we'll get to hold him before he's too much older:).

11/14/09: Sent a care package to Ephram and his foster family! We sent an outfit, two toys, a "blankie" (just like the other kiddo's), a disposable camera, and pictures of our family. The agency always sends a list of things that would be good to send to the foster family as a "thank you". We sent them nuts, lotion, and candy. We are SO thankful for the sweet family who is caring for Ephram while we can't.

**I'll keep updating this post as things change so be sure to check back**