Saturday, September 1, 2012

update...with some honesty on the side.

Last night Braden was literally crying and begging to go to sleep because he was SO TIRED. Now...this is VERY atypical of him. So was him saying that he was in terrible pain and taking Motrin for it.

I would love to say that I'm overjoyed and relieved that his eyesight improved yesterday...and I AM... but the truth is that I'm still worried. I'm cautiously optimistic. See, on Monday it was improved for a few days and then it TANKED Thursday. So I guess I'm scared it'll happen again.

Especially since he's been having pain, a swollen/red eyelid, and woke up this morning unable to see again. It all throws me off.

A while after he got drops he was able to see again...so maybe it was just 'sleep' in his eye.

Last night was long. I was CONVINCED Braden was going to die and literally woke up every hour to check on him. I guess since he's never cried and said he was so tired I just started panicking that something else was wrong. I didn't tell Brian (but should have because he is much more rational than me).

Worry, Anxiety, and Panic are taking over me. I'm praying for them to be replaced (once again) with Hope, Trust, and Peace.

My boy.

We all went with him to Duke today for his checkup. His vision improved again. I'd LOVE to put !!! after that sentence because it IS to be celebrated but I.am.SO.scared. I feel like the second I let go of my fear (like I did Monday) he'll go downhill again. Yup...I know I'm not rational. And I KNOW better...but am being honest.


We go for another checkup tomorrow at 11. I'm praying that once again it will be an improvement and this will be over soon. The cultures haven't grown anything yet but the dr. said that doesn't mean anything. Sometimes it won't grow because the sample is so small..but that doesn't mean there's not something there.

They still don't know what's wrong with him and are assuming it's viral...but if that's true I'm not sure why he's taking all these antibiotics other than to cover all the possibilities. If it IS what they are thinking then it can reoccur for the rest of his life and he can have 'flare ups'. Or not. It's very unpredictable. BUT it is the number one cause for cornea transplants.


Right now he's improving..YAY! And it WILL be even better tomorrow...see...starting to believe and trust more already:). Thank you for continued prayer and encouragement!

3 comments:

Eve said...

Love you and your family so much! I know you are a strong woman of God and will lean on Him through this! Braden I know that you are strong and with God will heal!

The Mommy Girl said...

We'll keep praying for Braden and for you. Poor little guy. Does he appear to be worried at all?

I know exactly what you mean about letting go of the worry, and then worrying if your peace means you're not "doing" something. Such a hard thing for a Mama's heart!

The Markusen Family said...

Praying for you guys! "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deut.31:6